People who come to see me are:
- Concerned that they repeatedly land in difficult and unsatisfying relationships (with something of a pattern).
Perhaps you…
o Keep wanting more from your partner: more physical and emotional affection, more reassurance, more assistance with childcare and household tasks. But, you feel stuck between what seems like one of two choices: to “nag” or to suppress your needs/desires.
o Feel that you tend to be the “chaser” in relationship—that you tend to feel like the more invested member of the couple and are expending a great deal of emotional energy trying to pin your partner down.
o Keep going for people who don’t treat you well or who are wishy-washy about the relationship.
o Feel that you “lose” yourself in relationship.
o Become anxious and preoccupied in relationship and struggle to trust your partners.
o Are constantly being critiqued by your partner for being avoidant or distant.
- Recovering from a break-up.
Perhaps you are…
o Rehashing moments from the relationship again and again, in an attempt to understand what went wrong.
o Trying to disentangle who’s responsible for what and are developing more curiosity about your own role and contribution so as not to repeat it.
o Working to piece yourself back together and discover who you are outside of the partnership.
o Struggling to hold the complexity and range of your emotions—from anger to sadness to grief to relief.
o Hoping to identify what you’d like in relationship moving forward.
- Entangled in a relationship with a married or partnered person.
Perhaps you are…
o Feeling uncertain about whether or not to hang in there.
o Realizing that it’d likely be best to make the split—but are struggling to follow through.
o Feeling skeptical that you can achieve a relationship with someone who prioritizes you more.
- Recovering from having been cheated on.
Perhaps you are…
o Struggling to manage overwhelming emotions, like anger/rage, grief, confusion, shock.
o Struggling to manage intrusive thoughts.
o Struggling to make sense of how/why this happened.
o Uncertain about whether or not to work through the betrayal with your partner.
o Attempting to restore the ability to regain trust in your current partner or, if you’ve decided to split, with a new partner.
o Striving to recover a positive sense of self.
- Recovering not from having been cheated on, but from having been cheated with.
Perhaps you are…
o Struggling with feelings of confusion and insecurity about having accepted unsatisfying conditions for so long.
o Trying to make sense of the relationship and wondering if it replicates others.
- Was it safe because of not actually (maybe subconsciously) wanting a fully committed relationship?
- Did it replicate former attachments that weren’t secure?
- Did it replicate a former relationship characterized by longing?
- Was it a search for a relationship that seemed more promising than those had in the past?
- Was it enticing and thrilling because based on passion and not the day-to-day?
- Impacting your ability to trust moving forward—after having witnessed so much lying?
- Realizing a pattern of suppressing needs–and failing to communicate them.
Perhaps you are…
o Finding yourself frequently at impasses with your partner, or unsuccessfully resolving the same arguments over and over again.
o Often unaware of your needs, wants, and frustrations, perhaps because it’s felt too dangerous to voice them if you were.
o Fearing that, if you expressed needs, your relationships wouldn’t withstand them.
- Having a hard time being single (in such a coupled world).
Perhaps you are…
o Feeling left behind as friends partner off.
o Uncertain about how/if to engage dating.
o Contending with feelings of loneliness and doubt.
- Uncertain about whether or not they want the relationship they’re in.
Perhaps you are…
o Unsure about what to strive for or how high of expectations to have.
o Uncertain about how much to work on accepting your partner as they are, and how much to push for (and expect) change.
o Fearful to split up, for fear that you’ll simply find yourself alone.
- Discontent with your relationships with people other than partners, such as family members, friends, or colleagues.
Perhaps you are…
o Finding that similar patterns seem to be playing out in many of your relationships, and seek to better understand why.
o Contending with conflict and disruption in your relationships.
o Feeling uncertain about how to communicate and how to move forward in your relationships.
- Wanting to work on your relationship with yourself, and to think about how it affects your relationships with others.
Perhaps you are…
o Noticing that you can be highly self-critical and self-punishing in a way that really holds you back rather than moves you forward.
o Seeing that you have rigid stories about yourself and who you are that keep you from being who you’d like to be.